Carrie--in 15 songs.

Coming up with only 15 songs that define who I am was a daunting task to say the least—narrowing it down to these weren’t easy…but these represent different parts of me and probably say more about who I am than I ever could…

Kings of Leon “Arizona”
One of my favorite songs ever by favorite band: KOL is the epitome of cool. This song immediately puts me at ease and makes me want to just close my eyes and let it wash over me. “King of the Rodeo” is another good choice because, like “Arizona”, it feels like it’s all mine (kind of like a book that changes you and you think no one else could possibly appreciate it the way you do), but this song soaks into my skin and warms me.
-----Listen to the bass line around 4:00—I couldn’t love it more!

Modest Mouse “Float On”
I adore Modest Mouse, and while “Dashboard” may be the most perfectly executed track ever, “Float On” takes risks that are equally successful. It is dear to my heart because it speaks of just knowing that everything that everything will work out fine, which is how I live. I haven’t decided it’s this means I’m naïve or faithful…
-----“A fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam/ but it was worth it just to learn some slight of hand”

Jackson Browne “These Days”
This song is so simple, reflective and heartbreaking—it makes me stop and question myself…I have incredible memories of gathering with a group of friends for weekends at Magnolia Ridge plantation in south LA for “jam sessions”, and this is one of the songs we’d do: barefoot with a drink, amazing atmosphere…memories I wouldn’t trade.
-----“Don’t confront me with my failures/ I had not forgotten them”

Marc Broussard “Home”
Marc’s bayou funk/soul is far more sophisticated than it has any right to be—listening to him reminds me of my college years in Lafayette, which I still regard as a second home. The bayou and I have bonded. ;) His entire catalog is phenomenal, but this one…we’ve bonded, too.
-----“You don’t know nothin’ about this/ Take me ho-ooo-ooo-oooome”

Bill Withers “Lovely Day”
I absolutely love this song—I don’t care how I’m feeling, this song always elevates my mood. The beat gets me moving (and his voice gets me going ;) You can’t be in a bad mood listening to this song! This song plays in my head when I’m feeling good!
-----“Just one look at you/ and I know it’s gonna be/ a lovely day”

Nickel Creek “Jealous of the Moon”
This is one band I miss dearly (pray for a reunion!)…they could do no wrong in my eyes—they’re young, unbelievably talented and make it look completely effortless! This song speaks to the side of me that is so afraid of failure, I shy away from risks…I wish I weren’t able to identify with this song as much as I do…
-----“Staring down the stars/ jealous of the moon/ you wish you could fly/ but you’re staying where you are/ there's nothing you can do/ if you’re too scared to try”

Death Cab for Cutie “Soul Meets Body”
Even though I think the lyrics in this song are brilliant, it’s the music/instruments that resonate with me so much. (I especially love the breaks—1:22-1:26—that repeat throughout). I could listen to this all the time and never tire of it. For some reason it makes me feel hopeful and significant.
-----“So Brown Eyes, I'll hold you near/ cause you’re the only song I want to hear/ a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere”


John Mayer “3x5”
It’s safe to say that if John Mayer is performing it, I’m going to love it, but this one means the most to me—it’s all about enjoying the moment, being observant of the world around you, and not worrying about how it will look to anyone else…experiencing your surroundings to the fullest and creating lasting memories that aren’t staged for the sake of a scrapbook.
-----“You should have seen that sunrise/ with your own eyes/ it brought me back to life”

Badly Drawn Boy “I Love NYE”
This is the only completely instrumental song on my list. As much as I try not to be a romantic, this song plays in my head whenever I witness a romantic/sweet moment…it literally moves me to tears. (I feel like such a girl now…)
-----when it strikes back up at 2:08, and later when the music really swells (around 3:00), release the tears ;)

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah “Over and Over (Lost & Found)”
This is one of the latest songs to completely capture my heart! The sound is so retro, it takes me back to being a child of the 80’s (good times), but it’s still modern at the same time. This song makes me feel like I’m floating, as weird as that sounds.
-----“Time has gotten by on alibis and wine”

Feist “I Feel It All”
This is the other new song to wrap itself around me! I have no idea why this feels like my anthem—it makes me feel strong and edgy…not a typically sexy song, but sexy nonetheless. I also have a habit of figuring out who someone borrowed from musically, and she is one of the more original and creative artists I’ve heard lately. She takes some risks in the song that really endear her to me (like the layering scales at 2:22)—I cannot tell you how I love this song…
-----“The truth lies.”

Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine”
I was gifted with Swamp Ophelia my sophomore year of high school and was in love with them from the first chords of “Fugitive”—I love how fearless they are to be unapologetically themselves, to use their talents to further their causes and to try to make a difference. This song is special because it speaks of the struggle to be at peace with myself and to just try to be a better person…
-----“The best thing you’ve ever done or me/ is to help me take life less seriously/ It’s only life after all”

The McGuire Sisters “Sincerely”
I was in my Mamaw Helen’s blue Cadillac with the windows down when I heard this song for the first time. It’s one of the earliest songs my sisters and I learned to sing in three part harmony. Years later, we sang it to her in the hospital when they thought she was too far gone, but she actually responded by moving her fingers. Knowing her, she was giving us “the finger.” ;)
-----that part “But I’ll never, never, never, never…Leee-eeet him gooo-oooo”? Owned.

Homer Hiccolm & the Rocketboys “Heartbeat”
This song draws me in and commands my full attention from the very beginning—I think I hear more layers every time I hear it! I still haven’t figured out why this song feels like it’s mine, but it does…maybe it’s because I like to think of myself as layered as the song. (I’m nothing but a human onion, in fact, we all are.)
-----“I’ll do what I want.”

The Beach Boys “God Only Knows”
My dad has always been a huge fan of theirs, so The Beach Boys play in my head when I’m looking at pictures from when I was little. (Actually, my earliest memory is standing in the seat by him with his arm around me as he was driving, singing “Help Me, Rhonda”.) Listening to their complex melodies and fun harmonies makes my heart feel lighter. The words and the layering of their voices at the end makes it one of my all-time favorites. It makes me thankful for the people God has blessed me with (like my framily)…
-----“God only knows what I’d be without you.”

Harassment on Aisle 5.

Place: Brookshire’s on Line Ave
Date: Some time last week. (I think.)

So I figured I’d reward myself for going to the gym that one time last week by going to the grocery store and purchasing a gigantic tube of Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough. (I wasn’t going to be selfish—it’s never a problem to find someone willing to eat them, too.) I head up to the checkout and wait behind a poor woman whose kids will NOT shut up begging for random crap. I stroll ahead when she’s out of my way (thank you, Jesus) and place my dough and milk (fat free, natch) on the conveyer belt. The young cashier-guy pulls them across the scanner, gives me a look and says, “It’s going to be one of THOSE nights, eh?”. while winking.
I hate this guy.
My first instinct is to turn beet red and tear out of the store, but I figure I need to pay for this stuff—being tackled by the old policeman at the door would be even more embarrassing. I then consider politely telling him to just bag my groceries and mind his beeswax.
What I end up doing is shrugging my shoulders and saying “guess so.”

Place: That same G-D Brookshire’s
Date: Last Night (Valentine’s Day)

I hadn’t made any plans for Valentine’s (other than lunch with other single girls), so when suppertime came around and I remembered that all I had was Ramen noodles and I didn’t want those, I headed back to Brookshire’s. I would like to note that I was feeling especially festive and threw on my red-glittered “Dorothy” peep toe stilettos Katy bought me (thanks, Katy!). I am feeling good about that until I'm hit on by a "bag-boy" who looks to be all of 17 and who makes a sucking noise through his teeth to entice me. After a silent prayer that the same cashier would have the night off, I marched up to the check-out with actual groceries this time. Most of my basket was filled with Amy’s Organic frozen foods and lean stuff, but I decided it was Valentine’s, dammit—I should be able to enjoy some sour straws and random marked-down chocolate goodness. This time, the checker-guy was a manager, so I’m safe (or so I think). He swiped the bar codes and made polite conversation…until he felt the need to add, “Haha—I thought you were eating pretty healthy until I got to the bottom of your basket.”
What the hell?!
I wanted to grind my little stilettoed heels into his shins for that, but instead I laugh to myself and find solace in the knowledge that in a few minutes, I’ll be watching Lost on my couch, drinking wine and twexting the framily…where I’ll be safe from such ridicule.

Bottom line: I hate Brookshire’s.

My power source

As I was rushing out my front door the other night to meet some friends for supper, I suddenly felt so…off.

Something was definitely missing. I confirmed that I had my purse, wallet, keys and cell phone (you know—the absolute necessities), yet I still felt oddly exposed. Vulnerable.
Then it hit me: my ring! I'd forgotten to put my ring back on since freshening up. Though I was already running behind, leaving without that ring was not an option.

She-ra (Princess of Power) had her tiara—not a dainty crown that sat on top of her head, but more like a gold sweatband on her forehead accentuating her femininity as she kicked ass.

Wonder Woman had gold laser-shooting cuffs that not only came in handy when catching "bad guys", but also made her costume really pop.

Jerica Benton (who technically had no traditional super powers) had her blinking pink earrings that transformed her from her mousey self into the rockin' front woman for Jem and the Holograms.

My source of power seems to come from a gold dome class ring from 1947; I found it in an antique store and was immediately struck by its similarity to one that my maternal grandmother wore (the very one that my mom wears today). My Mamaw Janice was a superhero; she had healing powers: from her smile, hugs, cooking, laugh—everything about her was magic to me.

It was when I dashed back in to get my ring that I noticed that virtually every piece of jewelry I own was given to me by (or belonged to) someone I deeply love and each carries a little magic of its own.

The other powerful accessories I have in my arsenal: Mamaw Janice's diamond studs, a bracelet of my Mama's, a wonderfully gaudy cocktail ring that belonged to my Mamaw Helen (paternal grandmother), a tiny ring of my great grandmother's, my grandfather's wedding band (that fits snugly on my pointer finger), a necklace my mom received from my dad when I was born, necklaces that were gifts from my sisters, and a pin given to me by my middle sister, Jaime. I also have a gold bracelet that matches ones worn by 2 wonderful friends of mine--we wear them when we are apart, but need to feel supported.

These things mean so much to me not because of their replacement value (which would be surprisingly little), but because of the things they represent: women in my life who have worked incredibly hard, who gave so willingly of themselves, who may have lost husbands/children, but never lost their senses of humor...women who may not have had a lot of money, but were extremely rich in the things that matter.

I selfishly want to claim some of that grace for myself…as though they've passed some of their strength into these trinkets—and it's just waiting to be soaked into me.

Maybe they have.

Every time I wear one of these pieces, I'm reminded that someone loves me. Of the stock I come from. Of the kind of person I want to be…the kind of woman I should aspire to be, and I feel a strength and confidence that I didn't possess on my own.

I can only hope to pass that on someday myself.

Mae Yao Jeh Huan and Fabulous?

I just met my friend, Cristal, for lunch at Ichibon. As usual, we had a wonderful time gossiping and cackling over our miso soup and sushi. At the end of the meal, we got our tickets and fortune cookies, which I always tear into immediately because I still have some superstitious belief that it will hold some relevance for me (all in the name of fun, of course). I don’t know when the fortune cookie powers-that-be started adding little Chinese phrases for everyone to learn, but on the back of my fortune was this:

LEARN CHINESE: Still Single (not married)
mae yao jeh huan

Does anyone else sense a little judgment and negativity in that? They didn’t just put “single”, they put "Still Single" in large letters followed by a meek, ashamed "(not married)"…
It’s not like I don’t get asked that enough, but I now have a fortune cookie trying to make me feel bad that I am (not married)…

“Did you hear that Carrie is STILL single?”
“Yep—she’s STILL single. (whispering) Not. married.”
If I wanted this kind of abuse, I would pop over to a few wedding or baby showers, but I don’t need to be picked on while trying to enjoy my tempura shrimp rolls, thank you very much. ;)

Even better? The actual fortune reads: “All the news you receive will be positive and uplifting.”

I beg to differ, fortune cookie, but I appreciate that. I was worried since the other side of this fortune basically insinuated that I’ll die alone…That’s very sweet and reassuring of you!

It seems the world just loves to remind us single ladies that we are Still Single (not married).
“I didn’t need a cookie to tell me that.”